meow

angsty wriitngs

2007-02-20T00:07:00.000-06:00

for josh, who never missed a beat.

may the bar set by other mere mortals
hit you swiftly in your side
may that pebble that is me
trip you in your self-righteous stride.

maybe when you hit the ground
you will see me with mine own eyes;
bruised, in tatters
groping blindly through
that infinite darkness that
ceaselessly takes lives...

but if you look closely enough
it you pause for just a while
maybe you would see
that though i'm clawing
grasping at nothingness
that at least
I keep on trying.

What if and Maybe

What if you had reached out to me
Instead of pulling further away
What if you hadn't tried to drown the silence
with background noise and tv?
What if I had felt you trying
and grasped your outreached hand
Would this be how it would be?

And maybe that hand
would have been enough
to silence those age-old fears.
Instead
left unchecked in the silence
they found their raspy voice
softly at first
timidly creeping in
but then more brazenly
began taking form.

I know it doesn't matter now
but i can't help but wonder
what if and
maybe.

smile

2007-02-11T23:59:00.000-06:00

dear severely neglected blog. i'm back - and will hopefully actually mean that and be less flakey this time... i know, you don't trust me. that's okay, i don't either.

News from 2007
-just got dumped (a weekend ago - precisely 11 days prior to the worst and most obnoxious holiday of the year)
-got a new mac. she's lovely. (thank you lisa 'n ben!)
-am thinking of moving out of mn and changing careers entirely (details to come in a later entry)

Tip(s) for myself:*
1. Don't date co-workers. I know, i know, this has been my policy previously but i am foolish and made an exception last year, for which I am now paying dearly for...

*all the rest of my goals don't count since they're perpetual goals (floss, go to the gym, clean, do laundry, call my friends/family, all of this - more.

It is now Sunday night and I have to go to work tomorrow morning. I will see my ex-tomorrow. I hid in my cubicle Friday afternoon for fear of seeing him. I am pathetic, but he dumped me with no warning so I really am in no place to "just be friends". I'm far too hurt and angry to do that (be that mature?) No, I don't see that as mature necessarily. Immediately "just being friends" is ridiculous and I think is only possible if you didn't really care about the person that much in the first place. Please note that I said "immediately" there. Please also note that getting dumped at the start the coldest weekend/week of the this winter was excruciating. It felt like not only did my boyfriend not want me, but the entire state of Minnesota was telling me to get the F out - YOU DON'T BELONG HERE!!!

I have survived my first weekend being single. Whew. 1 down, the rest of my life to go... I'm glad I have internet & a computer once again because I've been able to talk to a lot of my friends who are near and far (many of whom I haven't spoken to in a while). My friends really came together this weekend and helped me forget that I'm not alone, at least - for a little while... "I get by with a little help from my friends" - while it's trite and overused, proved very true for me this past weekend.

It's been a strange week because my ex was my best-friend but is no longer in my life at all since i need time to nurse my injured self and start rebuilding again (until it all gets torn down the next time???) Anyways, I feel like I'm missing a major appendage, only I don't know which one or what it did exactly. I'd rather have an ex-labotomy (eternal sunshine of the spotless mind-esque). Valentine's day is their busiest time of the year after all...

So yeah, apparently the world keeps spinning and the sun does in fact come out again... I spent much of Monday sweeping up the pieces of myself and my life and didn't go to work on Monday as my face was a puffy mess betraying my complete psychological meltdown and outpouring of emotions stemming from the night before (when I finally discovered that he is just not that into me and hasn't been for a while now apparently). Bitter? Me? Never... Anyway, that whole "this too shall pass" stuff they always say is true and I know it is, but I need a little more time to wallow in my hurt. He on the other hand, is a freaking 'bot and after he brushed me off of his shoulders just picked right up again and kept going. Didn't even miss a beat. That bastard. A part of me wishes him pain.

May all the things I gave you cause you pain! hehe... :o)

Nevertheless, even the temperatures were far better this weekend than they've been all week - it warmed up to something in the 20s! i know, ABOVE zero this time. Go Minnesota - woooot! okay, enough for now. more to come later. oyasumi.

At first when I see you cry
It makes me smile
Yeah it makes me smile
At worst I feel bad for a while
But then I just smile
I go ahead and smile

4 wheeling in the moonlight...

2006-05-20T13:30:00.000-05:00

poor neglected blog! I've been bad. very bad. I'm sorry! I will try and be better.

I got Fury Honda's oil changed Saturday! Wohoo! I was scared that they'd be like "oh there are unicorns stuck in your engine... so that'll cost you $1,000 to remove" and make up crazy things that I wouldn't understand. Luckily, they didn't. Whew! and they turned off that "maintenance reqd" light! everything looked good they said... whew! I'm not as bad a car owner as I feared... :o)

I went to my first baby shower last weekend. It think it will be the first and only baby shower that I go to that has a keg (don't worry, the mother wasn't drinking!) Anyway, the shower was surprisingly fun! I had a really good time and actually got to go 4-wheeling in the moonlight! :o) 'twas much fun... especially when Adam flipped it and we landed in the mud! the full moon reflecting off the mudpuddles was particularly lovely...

dooby dooby doo

2006-02-07T22:28:00.000-06:00

I haven't posted in a while. Sorry! 2006 has been crazy and feels like it's flying by. I've been ridiculous amounts of overtime at work (one week I worked Sunday - Saturday and had 24 hours of overtime!). So yeah, this past weekend was the first weekend I actually had both days off. Amazing!

I've also been on this workout/diet plan so that I can get into shape and hopefully be able to wear a bathingsuit this summer and maybe have more confidence in myself rather than trying to blend in with the wall or just not go out at all b/c I feel like all of my friends are much prettier/skinnier than me... bleh! Stupid weight issues! I'm also working on reformatting my brain so I'm less crazy but that's a bit harder than just working out.

I've joined the Uptown YWCA and have been working out almost every day... 6-7 days per week. I try to get to the gym before work in the mornings at about 6:30am but when I sleep through I go at night. Saturday I had a leisurely run and did 8 miles. Yesterday and today I only did 6. Don't worry... they're all on the elliptical machines so they're a lot easier to do and I don't kill my already ridiculously bad knees.

Eating well is proving to be extremely difficult. I haven't made it the full 2 weeks without cheating :(. I'm still looking better but I feel so guilty about the cheating. I'm not supposed to have alcohol or lots of carbs or sugar... EH! Who knew that most of my social life rests upon going out and eating at restaurants or happy hour with friends? As a result, I've turned into somewhat of a recluse. Sometimes I do go out, but it's such a pain to have such a restricted diet so that's usually how I end up cheating. :( Also, I don't like being sober when everyone is drunk around me. I feel even more awkward than I usually do and end up standing around like a buffoon. Good ol' social anxiety...

Tomorrow is Root City Band at Gluek's -- this bar in downtown Minneapolis where this awesome band plays every Wednesday night. They're a lot of fun to go see and all the guys in the band seem like very cool guys. My friend and coworker Abby introduced to me to them and she's a big fan. She sort of knows them and sells shirts for them which is very cool. She's an amazingly friendly person... and really genuine too. One of those people who you just instantly like :). Anywho, I'm very glad she works with me now. It makes work so much better and she's really inspired me to become a healthier, happier person :o) Yay!

That's all for tonight... I should get to bed so that I can make it to the gym in the morning. Tomorrow evening I start doing weight training... wooh! exciting! It's supposed to burn fat very quickly. This past month I've already lost betw/5-10 lbs and am one pants size smaller :). Wohoo! I'm still a big girl of course... I just spill out of things less now. Heh. :o)

Oyasuminasai

Shogatsu

2006-01-14T17:10:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year Folks,

Ok, so I'm trying to get healthy this year. I've started a new diet plan... A bit like South Beach but slightly different. I'm determined. I'm not even drinking alcohol and eating too many carbs! I've also started to use that Listerine Whitening stuff and flossing! hehe. We'll see how long that keeps up. I've finally been taking care of business and put air in my tires, and changed the plates to say Minnesota. i've also cleaned and vacuumed my room so that I can do my aerobic pilates. Wohoo! Although I hear that the plaster on the ceiling of the girl who lives below me is probably falling off... She probably wakes up and thinks... earthquake?!

Work has been going really well. I really like my coworkers a lot :) I have yet to get a gym membership... it's actually like $50 a month! Expensive!!! I'm going to try and call them to see if I qualify for financial aid 'cos I'm paying back loans and have already had 2 knee surgeries so going to a gym is crucial for me to lose weight... We shall see. It seems that my bank account is perpetually starving!

Oh, and I also got a nose stud... and posted a picture as well... what do you think? Not too flashy/trashy I hope... I still have to get new glasses too... Some arty ones perhaps? hmmm...

Glass Airplanes

2005-12-28T22:09:00.000-06:00

i'm bad and haven't been posting... I'm now back in Mpls and I'm sick after returning from Md for the holidays. I'm sick enough to be annoyingly sick, but not sick enough to not go to work... foiled again! The holidays were good and restful. It was fun being back home, especially since many of my friends from High School have moved back to the area. It was a good balance between family and friends. I am wondering at present if I should return to dc, stay in mpls, or move somewhere else -- sf maybe?

I feel restless and almost wish someone would just tell me what to do and what path i should take rather than having to figure out my own. What if I decide wrong? What if I should be doing something and be somewhere, but I'm not? Bah... angsty, i am.

As a general appearance update I now have caramel highlights in my hair. A bit like Lisa's but darker in coloring and less thick. I have been meaning to take a photo and post it. I will... soon.

I am also determined to join a gym because I'm feeling lethargic and want to be healthy. I have no excuses for not being in shape and looking the way I want to. Perhaps I should make a list of New Years resolutions even though that's always so trite. Maybe if I post them and make them public I'll be more likely to stick with them? I will compile a list by the end of this week/year.

In other notes, I keep having strange dreams... Usually, I am traveling. Sometimes I'm in glass airplanes that are falling into the ocean. My dreams are never mundane... I wish I had the money to just up and travel somewhere. *sigh* I just have to find something that will pay me to travel... Maybe then my dreams will calm down? Hmm...

Ok, I should take some medicine and go to bed. I'm reading "The Zahir" right now by Paulo Coelho that Meg and Seth gave me. So far i like it a lot... but then again, I really like all of his books. :o) Oyasuminasai!

p.s. Happy belated birthday Lisa! Your gift is late from me, as usual!

Fried Chicken

2005-11-29T01:03:00.000-06:00

I'm back in Minneapolis right now and this past month has been quite eventful. I went back to DC Nov. 8 and found out that I had to have knee surgery (arthroscopic) for a torn lateral meniscus. Surprise surprise, I've already torn my other meniscus on my left knee and had the same surgery done 4 years ago. This time however, I am older and heavier and am not healing quite as quickly as I did before. I feel like a grandma! And I must say, it was strange being wheel chaired through an airport...

Knee surgery took place on my 22nd birthday and it was heaps of fun. The first nurse couldn't find my veins and kept poking me. The room that they eventually led me to was sort of scary. It was all white and sterile and in the middle of the room was the operating table and I remember getting up on the table and having my legs spread out like I was on a cross or something. Then the anesthesiologist gave me the anesthesia and asked me a few questions about Minnesota and I replied although I don't remember exactly what I said... Nonetheless, I woke up in a completely different room and I was sort of hazy and had a bad case of the hiccups! It was like I was drunk! Finally one of the nurses had to come and give me a can a juice and a straw.

Anyway, I just got back last night/this morning from my Thanksgiving trip home which was a lot of fun :) This time I got to spend time with my family and it was surprisingly not that stressful. The food was delicious too. Last night when I was flying home I took a really messed up way to get here which involved me flying from DC to Texas to Minneapolis and there was a lot of wind on the way to Dallas and it was the first time I've ever felt really nauseated on a plane. It didn't much help that the guy next to me asked me "are we going to die?" when we were trying to land. For some reason we were at the way back of the plane and our row didn't have a window so it was a bit unnerving.

Oh yes! The highlight of my day yesterday was before we left for the airport when mummy dearest was trying to determine whether my flight status. So as Megu and I are talking in the dining room and lisa's peeling shrimp in the kitchen I hear my mom call out "fried chicken! fried chicken" and ignore this nonsense. Finally, after she's repeated it a few times and I say "what is wrong with you?! why do you keep saying 'fried chicken"?!" It turns out she was trying to say "flight check-in". d'oh!

bad with sticks

2005-10-24T18:04:00.000-05:00

big news. my sister lisa and ben are here and they drove here all the way from california with my car! hehe. although i can't drive it yet. I'm terrible with stick apparently. We had one practice session last night and I totally blew. I'm terrified of driving stick! I'll definitely have to finish out the week taking a bus to work.

It's nice having Lisa and Ben here. The apartment gets a little spooky when it's just me and kitty. She is very sweet though. Today is Megumi's birthday. Happy Birthday Gumi!!! My present might be a little small and a little late... d'oh!

Tonight will be another car practice session. I hope I don't suck as bad as I did yesterday. I'm scared that I'll never learn how to drive stick... meow.

Good Night, and Good Luck

2005-10-16T22:32:00.000-05:00

back again. I'm only 21 and I have two bad knees already. Who knew that high school athletics could be so damaging? I'm going to the doctor on Thursday then I'll find out how bad it is... At present, I can't walk up and down stairs and walking is iffy. Somedays I'm alright, other days I look like a robot testing out its new legs. If I need surgery (which i think is likely) I'll have to fly back to dc to get it done. Luckily I'm still covered under my parents' insurance but I think that only lasts a little while longer... Scary stuff that I don't like to think about. I'll probably have arthritis by the time I'm 25. Maybe my body or my bones just age faster than the average person and I have some bizarro freak condition. I try not to think about my injuries too much though... It's just those times when I'm alone and lying in bed that I wonder what I'm doing with my life and how my life is going to be if I can't walk or run or do normal things. They'll probably be able to fix it sorta... but I won't be able to run and I'm plenty heavy as it is. I will just get fatter and fatter and be depressed and eat more. Sounds like a good plan. I mean, what can I do if I can't exercise very well and I have no pool membership so it's not like I can go swimming. Plus, there's no way in hell I'd get into a bathingsuit looking like like a blimp. I might as well give up now and plant myself in front of the television and eat bonbons. And perhaps I'll acquire a hick accent, a moo moo and squeeze out 10 children while I'm at it. Dunno how that will happen though since I can't walk and get out of the house so well...

Anyway, enough of this wallowing. I really did have a good weekend and everything. Friday night I went out for Indian food with Kyra and Erin and then came back here for drinks. Later that night Jitla, Becky, and I went to this bar where all of the baseball boys were. It was alright... not really my sort of place. It's one of those all-American places and all of the girls were dressed up parading themselves around and lots of frat/jock guys. I felt sort of out of place there. Plus, it hurt to be standing... I was just never one of the pretty girls and I'm not good at laughing at dumb jokes and batting my lashes. Plus, I don't want to. It wasn't really that bad I'm sure... But in my head, that's the way it was. I think I'm in my head too much. I'm driving myself insane. Internally I'm completely messed up and feel like I should go on a crash diet and lose about 50lbs but on the outside I keep my cool and act like nothing is going on. I know that if I lose massive amounts of weight I still won't be happy with myself. But maybe then I'd be happier... and less alone? No... I think I'm one of those people who will always be alone. I smile and pretend that it's all ok because I hate depressing people but in the end, even with lots of people around, I always feel alone. *sigh* This might win the award for most depressing blog post of mine. Oh well, it's all just bullshit anyway.

p.s. on a completely separate note, you should see "Good Night, and Good Luck" -- Ed Murrow is amazing :o)

samui!!!

2005-10-06T22:20:00.000-05:00

oh my god so cold!!! Frost advisories and everything! So early too! This morning at the bus stop was terrible. I have to transfer twice too so it's even worse. I had a big coat, but it wasn't enough with all of the wind. I was a katsickle. Tomorrow I'll have to bust out the gloves, scarf, and hat. To make things worse, Jitla's out of town for the weekend and she left her car at Macalester so I can't really go grocery shopping or use it at all to keep myself from freezing. Oh well, I've gotten used to having absolutely zero car access.

To make things worse I can't find the thermostat to turn on the heat. My apartment is freezing! We have heaters too but i don't see any lever or anything to turn it on! Oh cruel fate... Why do you mock me so? Kitty and I have to stay close together to conserve heat. Lucky girl, she's all fuzzy! Right now she's curled up in a ball and I put a blankie over her body. Kawaii. Being her alone is sort of spooky... Plus, I'm not mobile either. d'oh! I took megu's monkey paw by accident. Sorry! But kitty loves it.

Uptown

2005-10-02T02:30:00.000-05:00

happy october!

So it's been about a month since I've posted anything. Thus far, I have moved into my new apartment in Uptown Minneapolis and life has been pretty good. Before I had moved I had been really worried about never seeing anybody or doing anything but so far it's been quite the opposite. Sometimes it's nice to come home and just relax. Tonight I went to Alexa's housewarming party and then to the Independent where Thomas was visiting from North Dakota. It was pretty fun... it is usually a nice place but I never really realized the tv's there. I hate tv's in restaurants/bars because half the people you're talking to have their eyes glued to the tv and their mouths hanging open and just look completely brain dead. It's impossible to carry on a conversation that way. The tv was fine though, it just made me feel weird since I wasn't facing it and it's scary to have the people you're trying to talk to be completely engaged in something else.

Alexa's place was cool. it's in downtown Mpls and the view from her apartment is pretty cool. It's strange being a post-college student and seeing people with their non-college places. It still feels like college, but it's different. I feel that since I'm still in the area that all of my friends from home are still in their respective areas at college and forget that most of them are back in DC and I'm not. I was also thinking about the car I will soon be acquiring. I will probably have to get a Minnesota license! That's quite a commitment that I'm not sure I'm ready for!

Anywho, life in Uptown has been really great so far. I couldn't have hoped for better. I really like my room and how the bed part overlooks Hennepin and it's high up so I can watch the sky as I lay in bed or prop my pillow up against the window and watch the people going by. I like being on the top floor... It's relaxing. :o) I hope this entry isn't too boring... I'm a bit out of it right now and am trying to alleviate my guilt for not writing in my blog. Many exciting things have been happening all around me but I haven't been writing about them yet. They are probably more deserving of stories than this nonsense. oh well... another time perhaps. Oyasuminasai!

anything you want on a stick

2005-08-29T18:25:00.000-05:00

So I'm in the process of moving and the next place I move to won't have internet so I may disappear for a while once September begins. This weekend I went to the MN State Fair (which is a HUGE deal here) I think it's supposed to be the largest state fair in the country. Indeed it was huge and I got to try many strange new things.

Some of the highlights include seeing a 1,040 pound piggy. (He was only 2 years old!) I also got to pet a baby piglet and there were so many pigs, sheep, cows, bunnies... it was great! I liked looking at the pigs while they were sleeping because the corners of their mouths were turned up and they all looked like they were smiling :) I realized that cows have strange shapes -- they're almost trapezoidal in the rear... I don't know how to explain that one better... guess you gotta check out the profile of a cow sometime. There was a giant warehouse room full of award-winning bunny rabbits (Lisa 'n Bed would've loved it) I saw the award-winning Netherland Dwarf but I think Fury and Frosty are much cuter. The really giant long haired rabbits were funny... They were all so soft...

There were also really strange midwestern foods to eat like cheese curds, scottis meatballs which is a hard-boiled egg surrounded in sausage so it's about the size of a softball and then you dip it in syrup... Oh yeah, and it's on a stick. You can pretty much get anything you want on a stick. Spaghetti on a stick even! It was madness!

There was also a haunted house that had live actors in it instead of dummies and instead of being on a ride like I'm used to, you walk through it in pitch darkness. Anywho, I don't like not being able to see and i kept grabbing ben in front of me b/c I was scared. Anywho, one ghoulish thing came out and frightened me and out of reflex/panic I accidently slapped him... It wasn't that hard really... but I shrieked and smacked him and then apologized profusely while Ben's sister Bethany and this Peruvian guy who goes to school w/Mary at the U laughed at me. Good times. There was also a very cool ride that spins you and flips you and I'll try to post the pictures. You can also check out my new photo page at http://photos.yahoo.com/katherine_zorn

Which is better, one... or two...?

2005-08-25T22:35:00.000-05:00

oof! i'm sick right now so I haven't updated my bloggy in a while. sorry! I was also back home in dc for the weekend (sat-tuesday) and it was a lot of fun. Could be why i'm sick though... going to bed every night at 4am and having all of those doctors appointments! I know that sounds strange but my dad scheduled my opthamologist appt at 8:30am after I had gone to bed at 4am and i completely failed my eye exam... WITH my contacts... well, my left eye was fine but my right eye... terrible. When the doctor asked "which is better, one... or two..." i got them all wrong. I had absolutely no idea! They all looked the same to me. She then concluded that my vision has gotten worse in my right eye and that i would need to get a new contact... On another weird note, i have an eye allergy and now have to take this little bottle full of eyedrops that was $35 dollars. (it's 3 times more expensive without insurance!) So yeah... of course I'm terrible with eye drops and am terrified of missing my eyes with these because each drop is worth about $5 dollars!

When I was flying back I was worried about all the foliage I was carrying. Megu gave me some of her umbrella plant and Yosh gave me a clipping of an african violet and I also took some shiso (no roots though). Megu found an ingenious way to package these and amazingly they all survived... even the umbrella plant which is like a foot and a half long and stuffed into my check bag! Most impressive.

I miss my bassy and family... other than that, things are going pretty well here. Oh, except for the whole fever thing. I've been like a leaky faucet recently and tonight i watched "Snow Falling on Cedars" with Jitla and I kept leaking. Nose and eyes this time. I don't think it was obnoxious though. Silent tears. I had a roll of toilet paper and a trash can in front of me too. Hot. Now my face is all puffy and it's strange because when my face is puffy I look more asian. Anywho, it's time to drink a few more gallons of tea!

mangoes or mangos?

2005-08-13T19:29:00.000-05:00

people read my blog religiously? ooh! i feel so big and important! hehe. too bad my life isn't very interesting! But that's ok, since I'll tell you about it anyway. Today I went to the Highland Park Festival or something and had me some cheese curds (artery clogging goodness) and a yummy mango smoothie that was very mangoey. I then decided that if I ever wanted to really splurge then the first thing that I'd splurge on would be a juicer machine thingy. Something that I could make fresh orange juice out of. I used to work at this pastry shop where i could stuff in whole oranges and carrots and it would make delicious juice. I guess the whole mechanism that removes the orange peel isn't so necessary... but I do love fresh squeezed juice. and smoothies. and mangoes... mangos?

I went to Target today to get some links removed from my snazzy new watch (thank you lisa 'n ben!) but apparently Target jewelers don't work on Seiko because they don't have the tools to fix it if they screw up. Very sad, I'll have to take it to a fancier place... anywho, I ended up getting a lot of nifty things at Target... well, that includes hangars and very mundane things but I got a new little carpet thing for $15! It's brown with blue, white, and green circles and reminds me a bit of Twister. I have also decided that I will paint my new room green apple green... about the color of this blog background. I think that would look cool and fresh. I also sort of want one of those netting things that goes around your bed... hmm... So many things to think about. Ok, well harry potter is calling to me once again... bye!

Spirals

2005-08-12T20:55:00.000-05:00

Wohoo! Thank you Seth for commenting! I have neglected my blog for a bit partly because I have been busy but also because i felt like no one was reading it either... so why bother? But none of that... I'm back. The past few weeks have been pretty eventful. I just found an apartment in Uptown (32nd and Hennepin) for $800/month + utilities and we get to keep our neko-chan! (for those of you who are not familiar with me/japanese -- neko = kitty :o) i'm very excited about that... still have to get her spayed though... eeks... we're bad. Jitla and I also have to figure out how we're going to paint the place and move in since I can't take off any work and there's no elevator... I was thinking of maybe bribing some of my friends to help me move in exchange for alcohol/cooking/whatever their hearts desire that i can give... well, within reason of course...

Mary got back from Peru on Sunday and last night Kyra, Mary, Ben, and Ann and I all went to the Green Mill and got some yummy drinks and half-priced appetizers. It's fun seeing the gang all back together. Damnit natalia, get back here!!! Funny how things turn out... the circle completes itself and then does another revolution... no, no circles... spirals. I like spirals better because it's a little different every time but is essentially (in essence?) the same. (Did I mention I'm a bit sleep deprived?)

Let's see... what else? Oh! I'm going back to DC for a brief trip -- Aug. 20-23 and I'm very excited to see family/friends/ and my fuzzy sweet cuddly wonderful basset hound!!! I hope this trip to the beach with my girls works out... stupid needing cars for everything... Ok, well I'm gonna go read some harry potter now... (I finally caved in and just went ahead and bought the book insteading of waiting forever to borrow it) So far, so good though!

Bodyguard

2005-07-31T16:55:00.000-05:00

I feel a bit like a train wreck at the moment. Friday night we had a party for ruth's birthday. It was a lot of fun -- lots of people were here and the police never came :o) Always a plus. My favorite part of the night is when Spencer, Tall Dan, and I were talking on the porch and Dan was getting tipsy so he decided to lean against the unlocked front door and then crash through it scaring the shit out of everyone in the living room. Hehe. This dude is like 6'5 or more too if you don't know him. heheh. OVerall a good night. Some guy offered to buy the red and white Prague jacket off of me. I didn't sell it though. I like it too much. Strange though, he seemed to really want it. Then BKAN said some snide comment so the dude backed off.

Last night we went dancing at the Annex (my house + Tall Dan). It was surprisingly fun too. Although during the last dance Jitla and I managed to spill our g&t's all over ourselves. I was very proud of myself for not getting sick. Taking taxi's rather than having someone drive is better too. it's not so bad when you split it. I danced with this one dude who was like "wow, what's that guy doing here?" [pointing to tall dan] and told him that Dan was my bodyguard. He seemed to think I was a bit nuts after that. hehe. I don't think I'm very good at meeting guys. But he seemed like an ass anyway so I had no desire to get to know him any better. Maybe I'm too judgmental? No... I told him Dan was my friend and he said "weird... you're friends with him?" I hate people like that.

Mmm. Alexa made waffles and we have fresh strawberries and whipped cream to go on top. Oishii. Breakfast time.

Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head

2005-07-24T18:07:00.000-05:00

Only 4 hours of sleep this morning after I went to bed at 8am. Mom and dad called this morning after they got back from Alaska so I had to pretend to already be awake. Hehe. Last night was a lot of fun... busy night. Alexa and I went to the old stoner house on Lincoln and chilled there for a bit. They have a hammock in their backyard. I love hammocks so much. I wish our backyard had trees so we could put up a hammock... Who knows, maybe our new place will. Ruth met us there and then we went to the Hague house right before it got busted. Three cop cars! Such overkill and totally unnecessary. Aren't there more important things going on in St. Paul rather than silly college kids having a party? Oh well... it was probably the fireworks that brought them over. Then we we went to the river to set off the rest of the fireworks but there were already people we didn't know there doing the exact same thing. So yeah, then back to Hague and then to Jerry's until 6am. Hard core. Ruth and I got back to our house around 6:30ish and then decided to go on a bike ride through St. Paul. It was quite lovely. So unnatural for us to be up at that moment, but the morning air felt good and refreshing. It's ridiculously muggy right now so that's pretty painful. Luckily, right when we got back from our bikeride it started raining and so we lay out on the sidewalk and got rained on. It felt so good. Big fat droplets. I started singing "raindrops keep fallin' on my head" but I couldn't quite remember the words. We looked hilarious. Both of us with long, wild wet hair and our make-up a bit smudged and streaming down our faces making us look a bit like crack whores. I had the sudden urge to go to Church at that moment. Not a regular protestant Church where they'd be like "oh dontcha know, you girls are a bit wet" but a real hardcore Catholic Church with giant ornate ceilings. I think it would have suited my mood at that point better. Hehe. But we couldn't think of a good one to go to. Next time maybe. Bust on in all wet and cracked out from not having slept all night. Yeah, you need a big, scary catholic church for that. Anywho. Alexa and I are about to bike to the river and have a picnic and then go to Solera where they show movies on the rooftops on Sunday and Monday nights. It's really quite lovely. Tonight they're showing Amelie and the drink special is Sangria. Yum.

chopped liver

2005-07-23T04:04:00.000-05:00

oh man. sad night. I've been up since 6:30am and it's now 2am. I decided to go out with my roommates Ruth and Jitla tonight. Bad idea. We got to this first party and the keg was tapped and it was mostly Mac kids and younger people who I didn't really know or want to know. I felt a bit out of place... but ehhh. So we go outside and Ruth is talking to a bunch of guys out on the lawn and Jitla and I are sitting on the porch. We weren't really feeling the party so much and Jitla went up to Ruth to see if she wanted to go to a different one. Then she saw Kira and ran inside to give her a big hug. I thought we were leaving so I made my way up to Ruth and then this guy next to her says, "hey, who's your friend?"

Ruth then turns to me and says "Oh, this is Kat" and the guy says, "No no, not her... her" and points to jitla. (if I could italicize that, I would) I then was like fuckthisshit and walked home alone. Sucky night. Why do I even bother going out to parties still? Sev's party was the only one where I actually enjoyed myself. But that's because a lot of the people there I genuinely like and don't have to be drunk to want to see them. Most parties are about getting stupid drunk, making an ass of yourself, and finding someone to hook up with. Why do I bother? It's all just a big meat market... and i am chopped liver.

Still, even though my pride is bruised, I'm glad I'm myself and not one of skinny little clone girls.

Thank God for Bassets!

2005-07-21T23:44:00.000-05:00

oof. no more metrobuses for me man. I keep running into some strange people. Today was probably the worst though. Normally, when I get to the bus stop after work there is this chubby guy from North Dakota who is there and we sorta talk sometimes. He's from small town in ND and he seems nice enough. A little awkward like he doesn't get out much, but pretty nice and mostly harmless. At the end of the conversation he asked if I had a boyfriend and I said yes. I didn't feel like saying no and having to deal with anything he might potentially ask. I wanted to be nice and spare his feelings.

So today after a long day of work (I had to stay longer to finish up some reports) I get to the bus stop and say "hi" and the first thing he says to me is "are you pregnant?"

AAAGGGHHHHH!!! I didn't even know how to react... i was _pissed_ so I replied cooly "no... I'm not... and it's really insulting to ask someone that..."
ND bus guy: "I didn't mean to be insulting"
me: "It implies that I'm overweight... that's pretty harsh"
ND bus guy: "well, that's not a bad thing... I think that people who are overweight look good.
me: grrrr...
ND bus guy: "I just meant that you seem like a girl who doesn't care about how she looks."
me: ?!
ND bus guy: "I mean... you seem to care more about personality rather than appearance."

luckily his bus came right about then. I think I was too taken aback to say anything. That's a backhanded fucked up compliment if there ever was one. I think I am mostly insulted. Pregnant?! Sweet jesus!!! Who the hell asks that? I feel like you should NEVER ask a woman that unless it is absolutely clear that she is pregnant and looks like she just swallowed a beach ball. This is the only acceptable time to ask someone that. It also sucks b/c I wasn't even wearing something that made me look pregnant (some shirts can) So yeah... I don't really know how to take the whole "you don't care about the way you look" thing... maybe in his small ND town girls care a lot... I mean... I don't want to be a stupid make up girl... but I don't think that I go around looking shitty and frumpy either. Hmm... I think I will try to avoid that bus stop if I can...

I think the best part of the day for me was on the 2nd bus ride home today when I saw a woman walking her basset down Ford Parkway. He was so cute! He was slowlymaking his way down the street, dragging his feet all droopy -- just like clarence... I love basset's giant and vaguely ridiculous paws and long long ears. So sweet and pure and good! Exactly what I needed. Bassets can always make me smile -- They are so wonderfully happifying :o) even after a day like today.

somewhere over the rainbow, way up high...

2005-07-18T01:45:00.000-05:00

back again! sunday nights are always terrible b/c i know i have to wake up early but my sleep schedule is wrecked from the weekend. Friday night i didn't go to bed until 8:30am and saturday 3:30am... that's an improvement methinks. Sev's going away party was great. She's friends with lots of different groups of people which i think is more fun because seeing all of the same people party after party gets stale. I ended up staying after my roommates and the police left (people were setting off fireworks outside). Finally at like 8am or so after taking a million pictures and sending alison off to work at SA I left Sev's party with Kevin and Jeremy who were nice enough to walk me home. It was a bit unnerving seeing all the early birds and dog walkers out and about early in the morning all chipper when we were stumbling down Grand Ave like zombies. On the way back to St. Clair we took a shortcut through campus and ran through these sprinklers on Shaw field. Then we tried the swings but we quickly realized that swinging is not a good idea at 8:30am after a long night of drinking. The back and forth motion was way too much for me to handle. It's the slow stuff that kills me. Rollercoasters I love. Those teacups? --dangerous.

Anywho, yesterday I went to hidden beach with my roommates. No beach commander this time. I was almost sad. Almost. Then back to home where I had a pretty mellow night and watched Y Tu Mamå Tåmbien with Alexa. Today was 95 degrees. Ish. (i learned that from alison, apparently they don't say "ick" here -- they say "ish"). Strange, no? I''m glad it rained today. better than rain -- thunderstorms. Summer thunderstorms are my favorite. Random sudden downpours and then half an hour later it's sunny. I didn't get my rainbow this time... oh well, maybe next time.

NOTE: "cat", not "kat"

2005-07-15T01:37:00.000-05:00

ok, so i switched my settings so that non-blogspot users can write comments. now you have no excuses! none! one more day of work and it's the freakin weekend baby! :o) tomorrow night is sev's going away party before she moves to london. crazy! I think i might try and visit her over fall break with ruth maybe. sleepy, i am. at work i went to this seminar conducted by a bunch of bankruptcy and foreclosure lawyers and to make the powerpoint more interesting, they gave the presentation a star wars theme. except it was all cracked out b/c they had this image of a court and the judge was Darth Vader, Yoda was the attorney on the side of the creditors, and this sleazeball alien dude was the lawyer for the debtor. wtf?! how dare they bastardize my star wars heroes like that! madness. so during this seminar i realized that my handstamp from the bar last night hadn't come off at all hardly. d'oh. hopefully no one noticed... it's better than those bright orange "drink responsibly" wristbands at least! Billy's was fun though. Really crowded for a Wednesday night. It was funny, we met up with will, dan, and sam who were playing pool with these guys wearing matching bright yellow shirts that said "professional" somethingrather. It reminded me a bit of elementary school field trips. I also wonder what they were professionals at...

I must confess that I appreciate air-conditioning like never before. this is my first summer without it and it's been in the 90s outside for the past week and throughout this weekend too supposedly. funny... at work i'm a katsickle in my little cubicle (I'm thinking of bringing socks to work, it's so cold!) Inside our house at st. clair clothing has become optional b/c it's just too damn hot. showering is not even that great because as soon as you're done, you're dripping. and not in a good way. meow. 4 way too hot girls and one cat going crazy in heat.

you're beautiful in an unglamorous way

2005-07-12T01:49:00.000-05:00

i should really be in bed... but of course, i can't sleep. stupid insomnia. i had this terrifying nightmare a few nights ago that has me all creeped out even when i'm awake. It has made me a little scared to go to sleep even. It was just so vivid. In my dream this guy came in my house and assaulted me and my wrists were bound together. I somehow managed to escape through my window and i remember looking down at my wrists and they were all bloody and i was running through the streets of st. paul with my wrists tied together and bleeding. i didn't tell anybody about it though and went back home later. A few nights later (dream time) he came back and this time with his friends. My roommates had let him and his friends in our house because they looked like regular college guys but i recognized him and he smiled at me menacingly and so i got the hell out of there... then i ran through the streets again and the last thing i remember looking at was my wrists all tied together and bleeding again.

on a lighter note i went to apple river this saturday. jitla said it would be "rube and some of his friends" which translates to rube and the entire baseball team (about 18 people!) I had no idea though... and she told me 5 minutes before we were leaving. it turned out to be a lot of fun though. you basically go tubing down the river for three hours and have coolers w/lotsa beer in 'em. it was a great day to be out on the river. it was actually really funny because there would be parts where the river became really shallow and then randomly there would be hundreds of people about having a river party b/c you could stand in it. the river parties were hilarious though. i have never experienced anything like it. the guys saying "show your tits" were stupid but luckily i was wearing a one piece and don't have a big chest so I don't harrassed. this one older dude told me i was beautiful in an unglamorous sort of way however. i thought that was interesting. when i asked what that meant he said "you just seem like you would be beautiful even when you wake up in the morning, without any make-up or anything." I think that's really one of the best compliments i've gotten. he wasn't even trying to hit on me or anything. or at least i think he wasn't. that's a weird thing to say to someone if you're just trying to get in their pants.. or maybe i'm extremely gullible and was just relieved that he didn't ask me to flash him that i believed him. hmm. anywho. drinking in the sun all day long is exhausting. by 8pm i was beat. now i'm crazy tan. luckily i didn't burn. i just look even more latina.

what do a racehorse and an exotic dancer have in common?

2005-07-08T02:44:00.000-05:00

it's late so i'll try to make this quick.

today at work my boss and i were talking about the london attack.

coworker: "they should just get a nukyuler bomb dropped on them."
boss + me: ?!
me: "they?"
coworker: "yeah, you know... all the terrorists."
coworker: "like in hiroshima,... you know, china. like how they got the nukyuler bomb dropped on them."
boss + me: wtf?!!!
me: "umm... hiroshima is in japan..."
coworker [exasperatedly] : "yeah, yeah, china, japan... same thing."
boss + me: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so many things wrong in that one, i don't even know where to begin.

today was a better day at work. i'm starting to like it. even (especially?) with ridiculous events such as these. after work i went with jitla and ruth to a racetrack in Shokapee called Canterbury. It was unsettling that the racehorses shared the same names as exotic dancers and strippers. Jitla's first winning one was "Slamdancer." Other notable names include "Shake it High", "Lucky Charleen", ", and "Dancer's Prospect", I picked the bizarro losing ones with crazy cat names like "Starlet Cat" and "Catzzene" (all total losers)... but, that's to be expected with names like those... Others had the names straight off the covers of trashy novels like ""Eternal Dawn" or "U Be My Palomino."

Overall, a very disturbing day.

sushi sushi

2005-07-07T00:05:00.000-05:00

today was my first day of worky! i didn't fall asleep until roughly 2:30am when the girls got back from the aq. I might as well have gone given all of my tossing and turning, but oh well. I think i should write in my journal more during my sleepless nights. Most of my dreams are disturbing and very weird. I had this dream that nick got married to this blonde indiana girl. I think they got married b/c she got knocked up. She seemed very midwestern and non-descript in my dream. The wedding reception was in st. paul and i was invited. why would i be invited? it felt like a smack in the face really. It was all very upsetting and I remember not going but seeing their whole procession go by as I was sitting in front of coffeenews -- so, like the demure young lady that i am, I hid in the alleyway until they passed. very peculiar.

ok, so work... so first day i get off at the wrong stop too far away from the office building and have to retrace the bus route to get back to the office and this involves walking along a very busy highway. so yeah -- there were many cars zooming by me at 65mph and I'm walking along the grass/shoulder of the street. no sidewalks anywhere! i get to work and it's basically exactly like office space. my boss is pretty much the best part of the job because at least he's funny and personable. my co-worker is nice too... a little bland, but nice nonetheless. the little mcdonalds disney figurines in her cubicle are a little disturbing. she's exactly my age but it sorta seems like she could be 12 years old. she''s marrying a trucker though, i think that's cool. she gets to ride along with him sometimes and see the country. isn't that romantic? :o)

i hate waking up early. but after my first day jitla picked me up and we went to Midori's floating sushi world cafe (or something like that). It was tasty good. oishii. I splurged and got lots and lots of sushi... unagi, maguro, sashimi, caterpillar rolls, plum wine and mochi green tea ice cream. mmm... *drools* it really was amazing. and it was a cute place too. it wasn't overly hip/trendy like fuji-ya. it seemed more mom and pop and we sat at the bar so i could listen in. i love watching them make the rolls. such an art. the little daughter of one of the owners was there running around and she's a happa like me. she even had hair like me! heh. rare for happas to have brown hair like mine. i had my green contacts in so i was incognito though. hehe. not that they could tell anyway. i was very polite and said gochisosama deshita as i left though. mmm... sushi... i'm glad i have a job now so i can pay for my expensive sushi habits. :o)

dancing barefoot

2005-07-05T12:32:00.000-05:00

fourth of july was alright -- not too much excitement. I had a bit of a brownie and smoked with ben and dave... then went to a bbq where i felt pretty out of place (lots of theater people) they were all nice... just lots of singing cabaret and show tunes and stuff... not really my style. we saw fireworks through the windows of the car as we drove around the cathedral hill area looking for parking. awkward silence. it was terrible. i think the best way to do fireworks is somewhere more secluded or something. maybe just stay in the car and open up the moon roof and lie down. that'd be nice. otherwise there's always just lots and lots of people carrying around their lawn chairs, american flags, and screaming children. ick. can't get more american than that i suppose.

so yeah, then back to kenyon's house where alexa, jack, kenyon, ruth and I watched some vh1 program that was all about canada. it was really the highlight of the evening if you ask me. all about hockey and curling and weird very uniquely canadian things like the town of dildo and why moose's (is there a plural of that?) and caribou are so cool. makes me want to go to canada. jack loved it. totally his sort of thing. lockport is practically canada anyway.

right now i should get some breakfast and do dishes. should i go to the aq tonight? first day of work tomorrow. first time since billy is gone. last week was amazing though. but still, gotta wake up and be fresh by 6am. oof.

watch out for the beach commander!

2005-07-03T18:54:00.000-05:00

yesterday twas fun -- bbq at our house on the tiny propane grille that we got from nick + tommy b/c they couldn't figure out how to put it together. hehe. then we drank at cedar lake at duskish. big mac crew there - hague house, saad, hassan, omar. menka, and other folks. the beach commander was pretty ridiculous though. and by beach commander i mean a drunken old guy who claimed that we could drink openly because of his "protection." every now and then he'd come over and harrass all of us and slur his words and ask for drinks even though he could barely stand up straight. overall it was a good experience. the lake was cool and hidden - mostly a bunch of youngish people playing drums and drinking and smoking.

today we went to the walker which was cool -- sucks that i don't have my old mac id anymore! heh... mac id... sorry. luckily they let me in at a student rate out of pity, which was nice. i feel like the art was sort of dark... i don't know how to phrase that better so i'll leave it at that... but there was one room that felt like it could have come straight out of one of my nightmares.... hmm... then we went to uncommon grounds... i think it'd be fun to live in uptown. it's a little too swanky/hip for my tastes, but it's a new spot and i feel like that's what i need right now. ok, well gotta go, jack is here for dinner... where should we eat? mickey's? perkins?

trabajo

2005-07-01T16:43:00.000-05:00

big day. i got a job! I'm starting on wednesday and will be working full time. yeehaw... there go all of my weekdays and late nights. but hey, beats being unemployed for over a month. plus, i have money and can hopefully get a nice spot in mpls once this lease is up. i think i want something cool and old. and maybe a coche too? hmm... i wonder if you can lease hybrids... they are lovely.

biggest problem with work is my lack of car. the bus that goes out there comes once every hour so i might try and see if i can bike... hrmmm. this map is pretty nifty though. http://www.metrocouncil.org/transportation/bikemap/mainmap.pdf

the pure cascading anger thing is random but every other possible string of words or names that i like were taken. lisa says i should make my picture an angry bunny -- not sure if that has anything to do with watership down or if it's because she's crazy 'n bunny obsessed. general woundwort was angry maybe. if you understand the pure cascading anger that's 10 pts for you!