meow

vague and mostly nonsensical kat meowings...

Sunday, February 11, 2007

smile

dear severely neglected blog. i'm back - and will hopefully actually mean that and be less flakey this time... i know, you don't trust me. that's okay, i don't either.

News from 2007
-just got dumped (a weekend ago - precisely 11 days prior to the worst and most obnoxious holiday of the year)
-got a new mac. she's lovely. (thank you lisa 'n ben!)
-am thinking of moving out of mn and changing careers entirely (details to come in a later entry)

Tip(s) for myself:*
1. Don't date co-workers. I know, i know, this has been my policy previously but i am foolish and made an exception last year, for which I am now paying dearly for...

*all the rest of my goals don't count since they're perpetual goals (floss, go to the gym, clean, do laundry, call my friends/family, all of this - more.

It is now Sunday night and I have to go to work tomorrow morning. I will see my ex-tomorrow. I hid in my cubicle Friday afternoon for fear of seeing him. I am pathetic, but he dumped me with no warning so I really am in no place to "just be friends". I'm far too hurt and angry to do that (be that mature?) No, I don't see that as mature necessarily. Immediately "just being friends" is ridiculous and I think is only possible if you didn't really care about the person that much in the first place. Please note that I said "immediately" there. Please also note that getting dumped at the start the coldest weekend/week of the this winter was excruciating. It felt like not only did my boyfriend not want me, but the entire state of Minnesota was telling me to get the F out - YOU DON'T BELONG HERE!!!

I have survived my first weekend being single. Whew. 1 down, the rest of my life to go... I'm glad I have internet & a computer once again because I've been able to talk to a lot of my friends who are near and far (many of whom I haven't spoken to in a while). My friends really came together this weekend and helped me forget that I'm not alone, at least - for a little while... "I get by with a little help from my friends" - while it's trite and overused, proved very true for me this past weekend.

It's been a strange week because my ex was my best-friend but is no longer in my life at all since i need time to nurse my injured self and start rebuilding again (until it all gets torn down the next time???) Anyways, I feel like I'm missing a major appendage, only I don't know which one or what it did exactly. I'd rather have an ex-labotomy (eternal sunshine of the spotless mind-esque). Valentine's day is their busiest time of the year after all...

So yeah, apparently the world keeps spinning and the sun does in fact come out again... I spent much of Monday sweeping up the pieces of myself and my life and didn't go to work on Monday as my face was a puffy mess betraying my complete psychological meltdown and outpouring of emotions stemming from the night before (when I finally discovered that he is just not that into me and hasn't been for a while now apparently). Bitter? Me? Never... Anyway, that whole "this too shall pass" stuff they always say is true and I know it is, but I need a little more time to wallow in my hurt. He on the other hand, is a freaking 'bot and after he brushed me off of his shoulders just picked right up again and kept going. Didn't even miss a beat. That bastard. A part of me wishes him pain.

May all the things I gave you cause you pain! hehe... :o)

Nevertheless, even the temperatures were far better this weekend than they've been all week - it warmed up to something in the 20s! i know, ABOVE zero this time. Go Minnesota - woooot! okay, enough for now. more to come later. oyasumi.

At first when I see you cry
It makes me smile
Yeah it makes me smile
At worst I feel bad for a while
But then I just smile
I go ahead and smile

2 Comments:

At 9:47 PM, Blogger GobberGo said...

Nice to see you back in the blog! To use another song lyric: Don't let the bastard grind you down. You're better than him and he's a fucking idiot. Do what you know is best for you in the days ahead.

 
At 8:32 AM, Anonymous ct said...

Oh, I'm sorry. I know how you feel about the strange feeling where your ex was your best friend but no longer. It takes time to adjust and it's frustrating and sad at the same time. Just let yourself dwell on it, wallow and feel everything til you're sick of it. That's what Carolyn Hax says anyway. Hang in there.

 

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